jamesbond: How to handle an unpleasant dog/toddler interaction?

My mother has a pit bull. The dog has been great? no problems. Her family has had the dog for ~4 years (got him as a puppy). He?s fixed. Never bit anyone. Very friendly.

I have a toddler. My mother provided baby care 1 day a week for the first year of the baby?s life. He and the pit bull got along great. Now the toddler just goes over there occasionally? they babysit sometimes for grownup date nights.

The toddler and I were visiting days ago. The dog was very happy to see us. He brought us his bone and was all up in our faces. He licked the baby and was generally cute. A while later, the toddler was toddling around his grandma?s lap and reaching for a toy near the dog. This all happened very fast? so I can?t recall it perfectly? but the dog bared his teeth with an open mouth. I think he growled quickly. I?m not sure if he pushed into the toddler or if the toddler just fell down, but he fell and cried for quite a long time (unusual for him).

All I can think is that the dog could have bitten the toddler?s face off. I don?t trust him now. I don?t want him out ever around the toddler.

My mom said that he would have to be in his crate when the toddler came over. We dropped him off for a short time a couple of days later. I just found out from my mom that when the toddler was eating in his highchair, she let out the dog. The dog ?did so great?. I?m not clear if she just left the dog out at that point. My blood was boiling and I didn?t want to be mean? so I didn?t ask.

WTF. Now I never want the toddler at their house again. My mom will be so defensive. I?m not sure how to deal. Am I being overly timid??

50 Answers

Tell your mom that it?s not worth the risk, and the dog must be crated 100% of the time if the toddler is there. Otherwise, she?ll have to come to your place to visit (sans dog).

Resource guarding (toys, food, or favored people) is a natural canine behavior and while behavior modification and training can help to control or redirect it, the safety of a child is too important to risk (remind your mom that a serious bite would likely result in the euthanasia of the dog, so she?s protecting her pet as well as the child).

We had to find another home for our dog that we had had since a puppy because our daughter started crawling, and the dog was not cool with it. It?s a tough situation, but it?s not worth the risk. PM me if you want.

Thanks guys. My mom said something like ?I?ve been doing all of this research online and I?m sure that he was just stressed because of all of the changes with our kitchen remodel. He?s really such an angel.?

My reaction, on the other hand, was ?If this was my dog, we?d be finding him another home.?

All I can think of is the news reports where the pit bull owners are like ?But he?s really so sweet and has never hurt anyone before?? right after it bites or kills a little kid.

I just wish she saw it the same as me and I didn?t have to address this.

It doesn?t have anything to do with his being a pit bull, it?s a natural canine bahavior. The risk with pitties is that if they do bite, the potential for serious injury is higher because of their jaw strength.

Toddlers are the worst possible age for child/dog interactions. They are dog-sized, have no idea of personal space, are grabby/hit-ty, lurch strangely, and are at face level. Toddlers should always be supervised with dogs, regardless of breed.

@syz I get that. I just keep thinking about the pit bull attacks on the news. Really? I get that.

Thank you.

Pit bull dogs operate on a higher instinct level.
Fast movement around them and especially their food, will trigger there impulses.
I remember an incident where simular events happened between a two year old child and a pit bull.
The child and dog knew each other and were plesant company until the childs toy ball rolled too close to the dogs food dish as the dog was eating/ or drinking water from it.
The dog attacked the child ( child in surgery for a week and left with trauma and deep scars).

The authorities had to have the dog put down , even when the Grandmother insisted that the child was at fault???
That family was never the same as the Grandmother went out and obtained another pit bull dog??
This shows that the Grandmother preferred the dog over her own Grandchild?
I moved away from that neighborhood as I had young children too, and noticed that the Grandmother let her dog out to play in the neighborhood!

I am a dog person. No, you are protecting your child. If the dog had a teeth-baring incident with the child, I would never have the dog out when the child was around.

Even if he behaves well one time, you cannot be sure that something the child does will set him off.

If I were you, and I could not trust my mother, I would not let her do child care in her home.

All it takes is for that pit bull to grab your toddler by the neck, and it would be all over.

Thanks guys. You are all saying what my husband and I said to each other last night. I was kind of hoping you would tell me that we were overreacting.

This is why I have a big problem with pit bulls and other ?mean? dogs. I know those breeds can be extremely loving, but I know too many stories where they turn on a dime, even on their owners. Certain breeds have been bred to be more aggressive, I disagree with @syz. Any dog will attack to protect their owners or for territorial reasons or even take on pain themselves to help or protect, but some breeds are much quicker to be aggressive. I agree owners can influence how aggressive a dog is, but still I think it is a combination of genes and environment.

I should put in a disclaimer that I am generally fearful of dogs.

I agree that one mishap and your child could be dead or mamed. Your toddler is not trustworthy to not provoke the dog, like any toddler, and so you can?t risk it.

As a pit bull owner a few times over, I don?t think any child or invalid or other pet should be left around a pit bull, Rottie, cocker spaniel or any aggressive mammal, even cats can suffocate babies.

Some are aggressive, some snap (when messing with food, toys, bedding, hitting an owner while playing, etc?), and it?s just not a good idea, they are an aggressive breed that was bred specifically for a job, which is not babysitting children.

That being said, my boy only bit one person in his entire 13 years, he was alone inside our home without us and spooked my protective male (whom we had raised from puppyhood.) We also chose not to have children, so that was a non-issue for us.

My advice is to make things clear with mom that the dog is never to be loose around a child or you?ll need to find alternative childcare. She may trust her dog, but you don?t and it?s a child?s life.

My bird that only weighs a few ounces could ride around on my pitties butt in the living room and he wouldn?t hurt that bird for anything, but I can risk a $300 bird better than a child?s life, which would also end the dog?s life. Tell your mom that, too, they will kill her dog if anything happens and there would be absolutely nothing she could do about it.

How old is the toddler? In my house the animals taught us how to treat them. Scratches, bites, you name it. That?s how kids learn.

I don?t think it?s a big deal as long as the the dog is supervised at all times.

@KNOWITALL I so appreciate someone who has owned those breeds agree it is risky. I find it so frustrating that many dog owners in general of any breed think everyone should be ok with their dogs and their dog would never do anything bothersome or violent.

@JLeslie I may be an evil Republican, but I can admit the truth ? lol

What frustrates me is people who think their cocker spaniels are safe around a baby, but not a pittie, it?s simply not true and cockers have more reported bites than any other breed in the US.

My girlfriend got a pedigreed chihuahua that kissed her and the next minute bit almost entirely through her septum for no reason. Animals are unpredictable as anyone who works with them can tell you.

@JLeslie I feel like my mom is like that. She?s on pitbull forums online and is always defending the breed. I?m concerned that she would want to prove a point.

@tinyfaery He?s 15 months old. Still slightly unsteady on his feet. I anticipate our kitties scratching him up a bit throughout his life? but my gut response is to manage a dog from grandma?s house differently (actually both the toddler and the dog, since neither has the opportunity to be accustomed to each other on a regular or daily basis and we only get to see the dog occasionally). But I?m not much of a dog person? I appreciate your response. I?m sure that if the dog wanted to bite the toddler, he could have? but he didn?t. I just don?t want to risk a bite in the future.

@KNOWITALL Yes, I agree all dogs. My sister was bitten by a neighbors dog that was not a so called aggressive breed. My friend?s mom walking by a house in her neighborhood had a dog come at her and she lost her footing and fell off the curb hurting herself pretty badly. A woman at the Chanel cosmetic counter who used to do my make-up, her daughter was attacked on Halloween by a German Shephard that ran out of it?s owners house. The girls arm was mauled; it made the papers. My mom was bitten once also. One of my closest girlfriend?s her son was bitten badly (they got a dog after that hoping he would not be permanently terrified of dogs).

But, even forget all those terrible stories, I have more of them, but those are people close to me. I don?t want a dog jumping on me or rubbing against me, or anything. Generally they smell bad, it isn?t that I am always afraid. And, I have a little bit of a germ thing, so I don?t want them licking me.

@Cupcake I don?t know what it is about people, it is not just dog owners, it is everything. Some people think if it has never happened it won?t happen. Her dog hasn?t done it before so it won?t. People say they don?t have to lock their doors because they have never been robbed. They don?t worry about walking alone, because they have never been attacked in that alley. Sure, some places are safer than others but you get my point. Some people just believe bad things happen and some don?t. My SIL tends to say things like, ?if you worry about it, it will happen.? Or, ?kids learn by letting them get hurt.? Sorry, but a toddler is too young to put the responsibility on the toddler. They don?t understand how their behavior affects the things around them nor consequences, nor have good enough memory retention to piece things together for better outcomes. As children get older then they are more reliable. I borrowed a safety gate for my stairs when my SIL visited with her toddler. She refused to put it up. I should have insisted. It was either day 2 or 3 he tummbled down the entire staircase, the stairs were a straight line to the next floor. He could have broken his neck.

Add if your mom might be one of those people who is defensive about the breed, yeah I can see how approaching her might be tricky.

@JLeslie LOL, I have a ?little? germ thing, too, but my little terrier is my only dog now, and is white and clean, a pocket dog if you will.

My mom was bit by a German Shepard and has been scared ever since. Myself, I was bit on the face/ head by a huge Dalmation named ?Pauly? that roamed our countryside all the time. He was very handsome but incredibly dumb, I learned a valuable lesson that day, you don?t trust your life to an animal unless there?s no other option. Lassie was a tv show and true canine heroes are rare.

From CBSnews.com:

?A study performed by the American Veterinary Medical Association, the CDC, and the Humane Society of the United States, analyzed dog bite statistics from the last 20 years and found that the statistics don?t show that any breeds are inherently more dangerous than others. The study showed that the most popular large breed dogs at any one time were consistently on the list of breeds that bit fatally. There were a high number of fatal bites from Doberman pinschers in the 1970s, for example, because Dobermans were very popular at that time and there were more Dobermans around, and because Dobermans? size makes their bites more dangerous. The number of fatal bites from pit bulls rose in the 1980s for the same reason, and the number of bites from Rottweilers in the 1990s. The study also noted that there are no reliable statistics for nonfatal dog bites, so there is no way to know how often smaller breeds are biting.?

From dogbitelaw.com:

?The most horrifying example of the lack of breed predictability is the October 2000 death of a 6-week-old baby, which was killed by her family?s Pomeranian dog. The average weight of a Pomeranian is about 4 pounds, and they are not thought of as a dangerous breed. Note, however, that they were bred to be watchdogs! The baby?s uncle left the infant and the dog on a bed while the uncle prepared her bottle in the kitchen. Upon his return, the dog was mauling the baby, who died shortly afterwards?

All dogs have the capability of being biters. Numbers of bites by percentage by a particualr breed is associated more with the popularity of the breed than behavioral predisposition. That is, if there are 6 million pit bulls in the US, you will find more bite reports than if there are 50,000. The Tibetan Mastiff is known to be ?ferocious and aggressive, unpredictable in their behavior, and very difficult to train? and are large and powerful enough to be very dangerous, but because they are one of the rarest breeds in this country, you?ll never hear the media talking about what an dangerous breed they are.

Dobermans are on my list of dangerous dogs. A neighbor of a work colleague of my mom many years ago was newly married (6 months) and the Doberman of her new husband attacked her in the driveway. He came home to her dead.

Let?s see the actual stats @syz. I just want to make sure they are using percentages and not total numbers of bites. Even if it is percentages, I will never be convonced some dogs are not more risky, whether it be because of their jaw size and strength or whatever. I already agree all dogs can bite.

My husband?s pit snapped at my son when he was 7 months old.

I threw that frakking dog across the backyard like he was a rag doll.

And then we got rid of him. Period. Not fucking around. No more pit bulls, no more aggressive breeds.

@Seek_Kolinahr Good for you sister, I?m a dog lover, but children are our most valuable resource and should be protected at all costs. :)

Putting the dog issue aside, I?d rethink the childcare thing altogether if I were you. You talk about her refusing to put the baby gate up and there was an accident. It just sounds like your mom isn?t taking safety issues seriously and she?s not respecting your concerns at all. If she weren?t your mother, but a non-related caregiver, she?d be out of a job if she did that.

Visit mom often but don?t let your child stay there unattended. Good grandmas don?t always make good caregivers.

@syz Any bite is upsetting to me. Just reinforces I won?t be letting my husband bring home dog. If aggressive breeds have the same amount of biting as others, but cause more deaths, well then they cause more deaths.

@keobooks The stairs incident was my SIL.

@JLeslie : But if you agree that ?all dogs can bite?, then you can?t limit your distrust to so-called ?aggressive breeds?, can you? For one thing, you?re discounting the fact that those breeds are still sometimes owned by people who actually want their dogs to be aggressive. And for another ? what @syz said. If there?s a clearly visible corollary between bites and individuals of a certain breed, that?s something to think about. Because while prejudices against dog breeds may not be as harmful as others, they aren?t helpful either.
@Cupcake : I?m sorry you?re in such an awkward position. If the dog is crated as soon as your child arrives, I would worry he might decide toddlers are bad news in general. Unless he?s one of the dogs that really love their crate?
As you said yourself, the dog could have bitten already. He chose not to, and that?s a very good sign. But still?of course you want to keep your kid safe. In my opinion, the best thing to do would be to let a professional assess the situation.

@longgone I am afraid of dogs in general, I worte that in my first answer.

German Shepherds used to be the ones with the bad rep.

This is Rick?s Grandaughter and Dakota several years ago.

(I don?t know what?s going on, but when I click on the URL in photobucket it isn?t automatically copying the link. It also isn?t letting me click and drag through so it all highlights which I can then copy. I finally just copied the URL at the top of the screen. I guess we?ll see if these links work!)

We also have Dutchess, who is a smaller dog, a spaniel. She?s taken to growling at the cat lately. If she ever, even one time, snaps at anything she?s outtta here.

I know, @JLeslie. (And I?m sorry, because it must make your life more complicated sometimes).
But it surprised me that you went on to say:

?If aggressive breeds have the same amount of biting as others, but cause more deaths, well then they cause more deaths.?

Of course that?s what it means, but it?s irrelevant to determining how dangerous an individual dog is. That?s what I was trying to say, I might not have made it clear.

To answer your question, I flat would not let the baby go over there until the dog is permanently gone from the house. Period. Mom doesn?t like it, tough.

@Dutchess_III Be careful with that though please, my dog was acting snarly and we took her in for shots at the vet and she had a really bad ear infection deep inside the ear. Remember they can?t talk and tell you when they hurt so we have to be extra attentive.

Too many people already dispose of animals for some reason or another, we sure don?t need more dumped on those of us who rescue them.

@longgone Really? Death isn?t more dangerous to you than a nip on the leg?

I am not afraid to be around most dogs if they are owned by people I know. A stray dog worries me. Even if I am not afraid of a dog, I still am pretty annoyed if the dog is allowed to jump on me, I don?t care how big, if your little dog runs my pantyhose I think you should pay for it. And, if it stinks up my clothes, maybe the owner should pay for the dry cleaning?

Plus, it is uncomfortable to be told ?awww, she wants you to pet her.? Please don?t put me on the spot to say, I don?t want to pet your dog. Now, I just say I am not a dog person, and I don?t care what people think. And, don?t even try to tell me some dog people don?t judge those who don?t like dogs, they do.

@JLeslie You gotta come to my house. Dakota would make a great counselor for you. My mom was deathly afraid of dogs?but she wasn?t afraid of Dakota. Dakota has gotten more kids over their fear of dogs?.

@Dutchess_III See my edit. I am not afraid of all dogs. I just am not a dog person.

I would tell her the dog needs to be crated when the toddler is there, ALL the time, no matter what.

I know so many people who say certain breeds just get a bad rap, but I?ve heard too many horror stories and I?m really paranoid about pits, rotties, dobies, and chows. I seriously believe that certain breeds have just been bred to be more aggressive, no matter how many people say, ?Oh but I have a dobie and he?s just the sweetest thing ever!?

My daughter almost had her eye severely damaged by a freaking schnauzer. Schnauzers are notoriously cranky. Thank God he missed her eye, but the whole healing process of the bite on her cheek was a nightmare.

@JLeslie Where did you get that from? I?m talking about individual dogs. Not breeds. There are dangerous pit bulls and dangerous pomeranians. And to determine whether the dog in question is likely to bite, his history is much more important than what breed he belongs to.
@KNOWITALL Good point, and something that should be checked out too, just to be safe.

How you handle an unpleasant dog/toddler interaction is you stop them interacting ? whatever it takes.

@JLeslie Why am I not surprised that you don?t care for dogs?

@JLeslie ? the idea that a nip on the leg is more dangerous to me than death. Which is ridiculous.

@marinelife Whatever that means. I love and care for all animals. I care about their well being and that they are treated well and live happy lives. I just don?t want someone else?s dog on me if I don?t feel like it. I want the choice to be mine whether I pet it or not.

And, thanks for reinforcing the judgements made by people who just can?t understand why some people don?t like dogs. Why is it not ok to have control over what or who touches me? Or, to have a little fear because family and friends have been attacked? I took care of my neighbor?s dogs for weeks on end when her mom and dad were sick.

I love my parents, but I don?t want them to lick my face.

@longgone I didn?t say that. I said death is more dangerous, and you are saying it is equal.

@longgone Correct me if I am wrong. You are saying all dogs bite about the same percentage across breeds. Suppossedly that means I should not dislike or be more afraid of the ?aggressive? breeds more. Is that right?

This site is obviously biased, but here are some stats.

You can also click on the tab at the top for dangerous dogs and read more if you want.

@JLeslie I?m saying if you discount the very small breeds, pretty much all dogs can bite and kill. I?m not telling you which dogs to like or dislike, and I?m also okay with you not liking any dogs at all. I have a problem with statistics being read in ways which guarantee prejudices. Because even if you managed to get rid of all those ?dangerous? breeds, there would still be aggressive dogs. Very often because humans want them to be that way, sometimes regardless of what their owners may or may not do.

@longgone I absolutely agree some owners encourage or cause dogs to be aggressive. Some breeds have been bred over time to be aggressive and bite to kill as described in my link. Pitbulls generally bite and hold on, sinking their teeth deep into the victim.

Risk is not just about the chance a bite will happen, it is also about the consequence if it happens. Is the consequence some stitches and an antibiotic? Maybe it is only a little scratch, and a moment of discomfort. Or, is it surgery and possible loss of a digit or disfigurement and loss of some use of an arm, like my friend?s daughter. I am pretty much never afraid of a golden retriever or lab. I have honestly never seen one be aggressive ever. Although, sometimes they are very friendly and want to be petted and play fetch etc. I am sure there have been incidents of labs biting though. I have aquaintances with pit bulls and dobermans and I go to their houses, but it makes me very uncomfortable.

@JLeslie: And funnily enough, the only aggressive dog I know personally is a Golden Retriever. He hasn?t bitten his owners yet, but mauls the other dog in the family when his owners aren?t home ? and the way he snarls at them already, it?s just a matter of time. Which I don?t really want to think about.
I still don?t agree on your statement that ?aggressive dogs? have been bred over time to be dangerous. That?s something regularly stated by certain people, which doesn?t make it true. Dobermans, for example, were bred to hunt deer. And the link you provided I only had a very brief look at ? you said it yourself, that site is probably as biased as it gets.

@Cupcake It was pointed out to me we went off track and your question is in general. My apologies. Please flag if you want the answers modded. I?ll ask a separate question if I want to pursue this line.

I hope things go ok with your mom. Let us know what happens.

natural dog instinct. pit bulls are not as domesticated as lets say, golden retrievers.
pitt bulls were bred for fighting and killing. it?s seeing a younger and weaker version of its masters and thinking to itself ?i?ll have you?.