My last few blogs have been about the holidays.? Holidays are so important to people for so many reasons.? Regardless of which holiday a family celebrates, the important thing is they are together.? I am sure most Foster parents do what they can to eliminate the sadness, but looking at it from the foster child?s perspective, things may not be that cut and dry.? Recently, I met a beautiful young lady I have known about for years, but ironically, our paths had never crossed.? When we met, I knew she would be strong enough to listen to my opinions, but what I was too foolish to know that it was I who would have to find my strength to listen to hers.? It is crushing to listen to her stories at times. The short story is April grew up separated from her family.? She grew up in different foster families.? Before meeting April, I knew the foster parents? perspective, but what she is teaching me is the other side of the story.
Meet April?
?As the holidays approach I often think back on many holidays without my mother, father, siblings, and family. I think about the many years I sat and wondered how they were doing during the holidays. I know, most of, my foster parents tried to make sure I was a part of their family.? It was the best they knew. ?One things that would have made it better: someone who let me talk to my family or asked me if I wanted to on the holidays instead of waiting for a visit two weeks later. I did have one foster parent that went out of their way to let me see my mom on Christmas Day. I didn?t care about any gifts? all I cared about was my seeing my mother. ?As I got older I would leave during the holidays to find my mom and it did not matter to me if I was missing family dinner with the foster homes; it just mattered that I was able to see my mother. I remember many holiday dinners at the Salvation Army and was thankful to just be with my mom and siblings. I was never truly able to spend the holidays with all my siblings until we were much older and out of foster care. ?Now that I am a mother I could not imagine a holiday without my kids. I always wondered what was going through my parents? heads during this time.
The holidays highlighted the fact that there were some times I felt I did not belong. I remember one home took family pictures, and they did not include us in the photo. When a foster home would buy us (the foster kids) one gift and everyone else had many to open, I would feel even less part ?of the family. I know that I was grateful for the one gift, however, it just hurt as a child to see other kids open more and I had to sit through it.?
Reading April?s words makes me sad, but resolved.? Resolved to do better.? This Christmas I am going to help my children feel connected to people they love.? This can be through calls, visits, emails, or Christmas gifts.? I am also going to really try to see things through my child?s eyes.? How it must have felt when April wasn?t in the family picture.? How it must felt as a child to watch others open more gifts than I.? I am going to try to walk in the shoes of my kids.? Santa is watching, and I do not want coal in my stocking again!
Robyn Harvey?is the Be Strong Foster Parents Coordinator for Be Strong Families and moderates?www.bestrongfosterparents.com?where she posts an ongoing blog sharing her experiences as a foster parent. ? You can read more about her by?clicking here.
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